My name is Jessica Tracy. I created Buff Beads in 2014 after waking up anxious and foggy after a late night of drinking and dancing in the city.
I realized that compassion was an integral part of a healthy relationship and that for years I lacked any towards myself.
Through breakfast and while walking around Vancouver, my mind was a hustle of thoughts and words, creating a slow panic in my body. I went through the previous night’s actions skimming for anything that could be causing this feeling. I needlessly went through conversations over and over again, creating more discomfort in my body.
In and out of shops we wandered as I tried on clothes and politely spoke to others. Meanwhile, an internal battle was raging. I was fighting the insults that were flying at me. I was weak, but I knew from my experience four months before, that self-respect and self-talk were the first steps to self-love.
We found ourselves in the gift shop of Dr. Sun Ya-Sen’s Chinese Garden. There I found some beads. They were simple, 16mm round, earth green beads with the image of Buddha stamped on them.
We continued on our self-guided city tour, as the internal voices continued their attack through my mental fog. Ancient memories and criticism resumed as did my counter strike. I found that this time I was making headway. I was playing with the beads in my hand. Each bead through my fingers was another self-compliment.
My concentration was no longer on the words that flew at me but on the words I was giving back. I found that with these words I said to myself, I was feeling more powerful. At one point I stopped and thought….I’m BUFFING myself.
Buffing is a video game skill you use to give yourself power.
This idea sent chills through my body and after hours of torturing myself, I shared with David my inner turmoil and my discovery. “They’re Buff Beads, David!”
I was so excited. I made plans immediately to find a local bead shop and make my boy Josh some. My sister, my mom, my sick neighbor, my stressed out friend…so many people I thought would benefit from a simple string of bead.
By infusing into the beads the idea that I was worthy and powerful, they consistently would remind me of such. Kicking me out of whatever mindless thought I’m in and chucking me into the present moment where there’s nothing but love and peace. Where I can form and control the words I say to myself, granting more power.