Let’s talk about Love. Love is my home base. It’s where I gain my inspiration from and it’s where I go back to when I need answers. So, what do you love? Not who, but what? Think of things you love enough that when you think of it do you feel that squishy warm love feeling inside? For example; I have a beautiful pair of Louboutin ankle boots hanging on my vision board in front of me right now. Every time I sit and stare at them I get an internal squeal of joy that goes through my body and I feel like I’m going to explode with joy. Dramatic right? What kind of things do that to you? You might have to really let yourself feel it, but just go with it.
Now that I got you all worked up on Love, do you love yourself? …Did you lose that loving feeling?
Loving yourself doesn’t mean you are confident with your looks. It doesn’t mean that you like who you are. Both very wonderful things. We should definitely be confident and like who we are. But, it’s not enough.
I have felt stupid all my life. Up until 6 months ago, the number one thing I would say out loud to myself was “Oh that was stupid, Jessica!” I wonder why I felt so stupid for so many years?
What is your self-talk? Keep an eye on it and try and catch yourself and when you do change it to something positive. I call it buffing. In video game terms when you buff yourself, you are giving yourself extra power. Extra power to heal, extra strength, extra toughness etc…
Buffing at first feels weird and unnatural and you won’t believe it. But, think about this…Would you ever allow someone to stand in front of you and talk to you the way you talk to yourself? Would you talk to someone else like that? There are slip ups, but most of the time we would never treat other people as horribly as we treat ourselves. Why do we allow ourselves to do this?
It felt a little like SNL’s Stuart Smalley, but I began to compliment myself. I would tell myself how smart I was. I would allow myself to fill with pride about an article I wrote and say “Good job, Jess!” Once I was aware of my self-talk and I started changing it, I started to feel different. This odd new confidence arose in me and I developed this sense of pride for all things that I had accomplished in my life. I gave myself credit for things that I just passed off as flukes or “well, I had help.” I started believing how important I was to me. That I had value. I started telling myself how awesome I was. And I felt awesome. I found that the more gentle and kind I was to myself the more people were gentle and kind to me. As I developed this Love and care for myself, people around me began to change. People around me seemed happier. I was also constantly surprising myself with how much patience I had and how nice I was to strangers. It was baffling. It was magical.
By filling myself up first with love and with my own words of kindness and compassion, I now have more of it to give away. Buffing myself has been very healing both mentally and physically. Start right now. If you don’t feel like it right now, start tomorrow. Set a date. After a few days of being super nice to yourself and taking care of your needs first you may notice the following things.
- You are sleeping well.
- You are unusually nice to people.
- Your patience has increased 10%.
- You feel stronger mentally. Like you could take on the whole Empire yourself.
- People around you are nicer to you.
- You may even get told you look different.
You don’t need to sit in front of a mirror and tell yourself that you’re good enough, smart enough and that people like you. You just need to be aware and catch yourself and change your “I am so fat” to “I have fantastic legs.” You need to let yourself make mistakes and get messy. You need to feel the same kind of Love that you have for that amazing pair of Louboutin’s for yourself. This may seem like a Fairy Tale, but once you start talking to yourself nice, you will start to believe it and the love and everything else will follow.
Need a reminder to watch your self-talk? There are Buff Beads for that!