We went to the Vancouver Fan Expo in April of 2015 specifically to meet my idol, Carrie Fisher. I was a very lonely, awkward preteen and spent most of my free time lying in bed daydreaming about having adventures in a galaxy far, far away with my mom, Princess Leia.
I had rehearsed for over two decades telling her how much she had meant to me during that time and I continued to rehearse in my head for the three hours I stood in line waiting for her to sign my copy of her book Wishful Drinking.
She has always been very candid about her bipolar and addictions and I have always admired her ability to not pussyfoot around so called “sensitive issues”. I love how she owns her shit.
As thanks for being the epitome of expressing vulnerability I had made her some Buff Beads and with three people away from her I still had no idea how I would manage to fit everything I had to say to her into 30 seconds. David was holding me up as I walked up to her trembling and holding back tears. She was beautiful and I wanted to hug her. I mumbled off my words of adoration and the part she played in my childhood as my fictional mom. She asked my age and if she could even be my mom. She did some quick math and she would have been young, but “oh ya you bet!” she could have been my mom and then she signed my book:
Love from her true mother.
I told her about Buff Beads asked if I could give her some. She said, “I really could use these” and put them around her fingers. I watched her sign other autographs while fiddling with the bead. I was wrought with emotion. Shaking I told David I needed a drink. So, we went to Earl’s and I downed two Caesars.
I left that day high just at the reception I had received from Carrie. It didn’t matter if my beads were forgotten and left behind at the table, she would be seeing a thousand fans just like me. I was so completely satisfied with the moment that she took my beads and then admitted to me that I was indeed her bastard child with a nameless father.
The next day at the photo op I was excited, but not nearly as emotional. I full on had no expectations she would remember me and was just excited to have a picture with her. There were three people ahead of us when we walked into view of Carrie and her French Bulldog Gary. David asked me which side I wanted to be on, I whispered: “Whatever side of God Jesus was on.” Gary was on the right side, so I took the left.
With all the coolness of a limp noodle, I walked up to her, said hello and then in a high pitched emotional whisper I squeaked “You’re wearing my beads!” I had not even allowed the thought to enter my mind that she would be. “I’ve been wearing them all night.” She said. The seconds after that were kind of a blur. I remember seeing the girl behind the camera. I think she told me to smile needlessly. I said thank you in a breathless sob and she said “You’re welcome” very matronly and David guided me out of the room.
We ended up with a masterpiece picture.
My idol since I was five years old, went back to her room the night before, took off her Buff Beads, probably had a shower to wash the stench of geek off, climbed into bed and then woke up the next morning and put the beads back on!
All you punks who got your pic taken with her on that day and of her Q & A! Check it out. Those beads she’s wearing. Ya I gave them to her.
Moral of the story: Nothing cool will happen if you don’t put yourself out there. And white jeans are an awesome idea always.
Love from Jessica ‘Organa‘ Tracy.